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Erika & Joy

Erika lies herself bare with an admission of guilt. Refreshments will be served at the pity party.

I doubt anyone else remembers me taking Nemo to the vet... I don't even remember if that was last year or the year before... they all blend together now.

Anyway. I was scared he had cancer. He had a large growth on the front of his chest, and in the days after the visit, when my fears were set to rest a little, I called it the uniboob. The vet had said it was a pad of fat. She did no tests, no x-rays, she just felt it and announced it was fat. I wanted to believe her, so I did.

I had also brought up his size, and told her how he never eats enough to sustain that weight. My mother acted as witness, but the vet just gave me diet food, which I dutifully fed him for 3 months before giving it up for the store brand diet food with about the same makeup and 1/2 the price (still twice the cost of regular, decent cat food). You see, I feed him 1/8 of a cup of this special weight-reducing food in the mornings and 1/8 at night, often with a small spoonful of wet food. That's it. I also feed him single pieces of this diet food as "treats" which I toss as far as I can and he runs after. I play with him several times a day because he gets winded after 4 or 5 minutes. So, he has a very reduced caloric intake and gets exercise... he should not look like a football with legs. Also, I worked him down to this low amount so it wasn't an abrupt change. Mom admits she thought I was overfeeding him too, asked to take over his feeding for a while, then apologized after a few months, saying she too was baffled.

So, I watched his "pad of fat" grow slowly over time. The other day when rubbing his chin I feel multiple bumps. I admit I'm scared again but the thing is, if it IS cancer (which I have a lot of doubts about) it would be too far along to do anything about.

Which brings me to my real point, that being I will not be getting cats again after these two pass on. I want to be able to take proper care of them, and if I can't afford to prod a vet into an x-ray to make sure my little man really is just fat, then I am not taking proper care of them. Sure, they eat really good food, get love and exercise and medicines for most of what ails them, but when it comes to the big money, like Joy's $1000+ vet bill... I just can't do it. Not on disability. I love cats too much to subject them to poor ownership. Ike's fine, but Nemo needs someone who can save him from diabetes, if it isn't too late. Someone that can afford thyroid tests, x-rays, blood work... someone who can take care of him instead of just loving him.

You see, the pity party isn't for me, it's for Nemo. It breaks my heart to even think it, but I've often considered contacting the NSPCA and seeing if they take cats like him, in a no-kill setting. It would break both our hearts, but his health is more important...
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Comments

Be fair to yourself, dude. Most people can't really afford to take that kind of expensive care with their pets.

Besides, think about this the other way around: You're providing a loving alternative to being either a stray, or a brief life at an animal shelter, which are two likely alternatives. It's likely the same medical problems could develop in those locations, and possibly worse ones from living conditions the cats would be under.
I think that your idea is a good one. At least they would be able to give him the treatment he needs. I know it is a hard decision. Nemo is like your baby well all of your cats are like babies to you.
It is indeed a tough decision....His condition baffles me even....I hope you find away to get him better. <3 I would rather him stay with his mommy and be healthy
Don't beat yourself up over it, doll. I think it's very admirable that you're able to admit not only to yourself, but to your friends, that you may not be able to provide him with the medical care that he needs.

(I specifically said medical care, because I honestly think that there is no one in this world who could care about cats as much as you do.)

I do want to give you my honest opinion though - do not stop getting cats, even if it's just one. I couldn't see you without a cat, and I think if you adopt one from the NSPCA that it would give that cat an amazing life. You're an amazingly loving, caring person, and any cat would be lucky to have you as their owner.
Sorry to hear about Nemo.
I miss both Nemo and Ike and look forward to talking to them next time I'm on vent and you leave your headset off. *meow*